2013

I don't generally do New Year's resolutions because I am constantly changing and achieving goals on a daily basis. A year is too much of a commitment for me. 2012 was almost considered a disaster of a year for me. As the year went on, big life changes and events were taking place. Things were going wrong with our new house. BIG things. Expensive things. Things that would normally happen over an extended period of time. TWO car wrecks, both times everyone was just fine. (remember this later) I felt like I was having to make too many life-altering decisions. I let "me" fall to the wayside. I could see "me" from a distance but couldn't get close to that person I once was. The strong. The quiet. The tolerant Addy. My inner peace was waiving from afar to come join the rest of "me". I focused a lot on the negative. I focused on how weak I felt, like I wasn't qualified to be making these decisions. I was angry and my patience was nonexistent, even with my girls. I felt like my husband was watching me coil back into this child-like creature, afraid and weepy, and he was trying so hard to take on the burden of  everything. I looked at my mess of a house, unorganized, broken, and nothing I did made it feel like home. I tried projects and craft whatnots. I tried grasping peaceful moments. I felt hideously alone and scared at night without my husband being here. Outside of my little 4-pack family, everyone else seemed to be falling apart as well, intensifying my feeling of helplessness for them, when I was always the bright-side, the reasonable, the helper. I could have moments of clarity. Moments of strength. But they were quickly overshadowed. How do I fix this? How do I tell people that I must be losing my mind? Will I wake up one day and be back to me? And, most importantly, how the FLIPPING #@&(*)!@^!@%^*#$*(@)#*!(@!)@* did this happen?! 

I don't know the answers to any of those questions. All I know is that something changed in me for some reason and it has to be for the greater good. That's how God works. If you take a step back at everything that I said. Just about every tangible thing, object, belonging, was destroyed or broke. Things. Objects. Belongings. At this point in 2013, most of those things that were broken are fixed. We got a new car. Our house issues are being taken care of little by little. My heartbreak over my phone and fried computer were because of the lost pictures, ie memories, on them, but we found out that those can be recovered from the computer. My family, my little 4 pack, my quad, my amigos.They are all here. They are all healthy. And when I look back at my darkest and worst days last year, I notice that I had more than just my little family unit. I had good and dear friends who surprised me with candy bars stuck to my door handle, bringing me coffee, just being there. I have been surrounded by the love of my friends. Friends that I've never had before these past few years. So, my weakness, for the moment of 2012, was okay. I made it through. And, after all was said and done, I made it through because I had so much love around me. Footprints in the Sand is one of my favorites. It has been since I was a child. It has followed me through life. I almost forgot about it this past year. Love and concern walked beside me this whole year. From that, I am taking strength. I am looking to the sun, the clouds, the Heavens. I am hopeful for 2013. I'm going to be grounded, thankful, and most importantly, spend a good portion of my time paying it forward to those kind souls who did more than they know for me. I am going to focus on making this house a home, with less stuff and more love and patience. I am going to reclaim my FARMGIRL spirit and get my hands dirty in my yard. New garden plans. New chicken plans. 

 Hi, me, welcome home.