Almost a year has lapsed since my last post. I needed the break. I have been uninspired, re-inspired, and back again. As you may remember, I moved into a new house, going on two years ago now. The time has flown by and so has the space between who I was and who I am now. Before, a gardener, a simple person with grand ideas, a mother raising her daughter to love nature and appreciate everything. Now, stressed, thinned, impatient, with sight on my goals that seem light years away. I had peace. Peace in a place that was smaller, dream-building, encouraging, and I was free. Where neighbors "had your back" instead of worrying what you were going to do to your front yard to hurt their property value. Where I got goosebumps when I looked out into my beautiful, bountiful garden that was overrun by chickens.
Why am I here again? I'm a big advocate for "bloom where you're planted" but I am struggling with where I am. My visions are skewed by worry at this house. My guts still aches for green pastures and huge gardens full of health and vitality for all who could enjoy the fruits of my labor; for self sufficiency, free of rules, regulations, politics, drama, and neighbors. Our world is suffering because of consumerism. We have ruined our country with our desire for cheap and convenient. Guilty of all of these things, myself, I am changing and have been changing for a long time. Baby steps. I just didn't know. I didn't have a clue how or why how I was living was wrong. Gardens aren't just for fun. They're for food. We have giving up our responsibilities to provide for ourselves. Literally pissing away our health because, not only have we giving up growing our own food, we have given up caring about whats in the food that is provided for us. Commercially, we're fed worse than barn animals. We willingly ingest vast amounts chemicals every single day. Food that other countries have banned from their existence. Food that, broken down into its actual ingredients, would probably make you sick just to look at. The reality is that it is making us sick. We are just ignoring it. Budget and time wise I have fallen under the processed food spell. If it looks good, smells good, tastes good, it must be good, right?!
I want more. And, by more, I mean less. I want less trips to the grocery store and more trips out to a raised garden bed to pick basil and tomatoes for tonight's dinner. I want to gather my eggs for baking and breakfast. The biggest struggle, though, is what to do about my whereabouts. Living "here" is not me, but am I creative and strong enough to make "this" into me? We'll see. There are some major life changes ahead and I just don't know how long I can tolerate my surroundings.
