Whoa.

October was the last time that I posted on here. Much as happened. Much is still happening. I am so ready to get off this ride that I'm about to barf...too many corn dogs and cotton candy while riding the Gravitron at Harvest Homecoming style. It all started with my return to work after having baby Emmaline. WEEKS of sobbing before the actual day I returned, just at the thought of leaving that little snugly bundle. I don't remember how I handled it with Sophia, possibly my shorter work schedule aided the transition. By the time I went back to work though, it wasn't any better. Every time I thought of her little face, I cried. I was still nursing her, so I had to pump at work. Where I pumped added to my misery...a dirty little broom closet that had a drain hole that the maintenance men frequently dumped bleach down and hung wet mops to dry. I would sit there with hot tears filling my eyes to the brim, staring at a little picture of Emmaline nursing and looking up at me. Sometimes Hubby would send me pictures of the girls at home, Emmaline after a bath because of a diapee blow-out or something of similar comical significance. I returned to work at the worst time of year as well...the dreaded Peak Season at UPS. Where our package count sky-rockets as well as the required hours to work. My management team was very supportive of me and worked around me the best that they could. My heart raced to get home everyday to my girls and my exhausted Hubby. He was working nights and staying up with the girls, then going to bed when I got home. This was a grueling cycle and getting us no where. The drive to become a SAHM or at least working from home was pressing. So much so that Hubby actually said that it would be possible if we could start to pay off some of our debt. All systems go. Pay off debts. Can do. We started paying down and paying off, old credit cards, the car, student loans. Then it hits us...Sophia starts kindergarten this year. Sophia, our brighter than average, curious, thoughtful, little sponge. There is no doubt in my mind that she would not do well in a regular school. She is an oddball in a wonderful way and is anything but traditional when it comes to learning. The school system in Louisville leaves much to be desired. For the heck of it, we started looking for houses in other neighborhoods. Then, for some strange reason, Hubby suggests we look in Indiana for a house. This is music to my ears and I get right on it! I have been waiting 11 years to move back to Indiana. Closer to my friends and family. LOVE IT. I break the news to my bestie...see you soon Bestie. Of course, every house I look at I invite Bestie along and she reports immediately the distance and time that it takes to travel to my new digs. I found an amazing old Victorian farmhouse that was literally my dream house. Dream turned nightmare house with repairs beyond the conceivable realm of possible. Plan B...a house that had been on my list but looked atrocious in the pictures so I hadn't ventured into it yet. My "last resort house" quickly turned into my new dream house. It needs a little work and GOOD LORD some paint, but its got space and its in a great neighborhood. I never saw myself in a neighborhood like this, but this house is for Hubby and the girls. Hubby will be so much happier here. All of the sacrifices he has made for me... I will gladly make this move to suit him. I can be happy anywhere as long as he is there too. Sounds cliche but that man is happiness to me.

So fast forward a bit, moving day is getting closer. I have not started my garden for the first time in 7 years. I. Am. Going. Crazy. There is already an area for veggie gardeness at the new house, but I can't get my hands in the dirt there yet. I gave away my chickens and the coop. This house has no character without the yardbirds. It makes me sad to pull in the driveway and not see the coop. I will have them again soon enough. And my garden. And my knitting.

Pssst...

I'm sitting here in bed, checking out some blogs and various website whatnots, sleeping Baby Emmaline by my side. Just one of those peaceful moments where you don't know how it could get any better than this.

Fall KICKOFF!!!

Woot! Its FALL!! I know that it officially falls on a certain date in September, but to me FALL starts in October. Its pumpkins, candy corns, Sophia talking about being a bat for Halloween. I live for October. We welcomed this cozy sweater & apple cider month with a crafty party yesterday. I put some Halloween decorations out, a big pot of apple cider on the stove, and put out some goodies. My friends came over and we sat around making our various crafty things and passed around baby Emmaline. Right now I'm sitting here on my comfy sofa, under a blanket, and drinking my morning coffee. Life is good. Fall makes it GREAT!

I've started planning my garden for next year already. This year was such a terrible failure, which was my own fault for the most part. I was pregnant and didn't maintain the plants like I should have. I tried some new things this year, like the potato grow bag. You put your potato starts in the bottom of the bag and fill up the bag with dirt as the plants grow. The plants were lush and healthy all summer long with no indication of trouble below. When the plants died back, meaning the potatoes were ready, I dumped the bag...only to find NOTHING. Nada. Zilch. Not even a mini spud. Not sure what I did there. My pumpkins started off wonderful, blossoms, tiny pumpkins. Then the vines split because of a worm and killed the vines off. This coming year, I will be prepared. I will be able to resolve some issues as they occur. In past years, I have submitted to my garden enemies because I was trying to stay organic. (ie I am cheap and didn't want to by expensive fertilizers or pesticides) I found a great book, Rodale's Vegetable Garden Problem Solver, that is going to see me through my future gardening endeavors. The book proves easy to find your problem and solution. There are hundreds of gardening issues that the book addresses. My pumpkin vines will have stab wounds, but they will make it because to alleviate the burrowing worm problem, they suggest sticking a pin through them. Worms...consider yourself warned. And, yes, that is a threat.

Making bread, making babies: both worth the time and effort

Well well well...look what the cat dragged in. Me. And about 25 lbs lighter with a side of sweet little babieness named Emmaline hope. Heaven, in a wrinkly, toothless package. Its taken me awhile to get back into the groove of things, but I think I'm back, more motivated than before, and ready to start some new adventures. For starters, I'm making bread today. For the first time in about 5 months probably. I can't even remember honestly. My garden disaster was a big downer for me, as well as being pregnant and not really enjoying any moment of that. But, now that my new munchkin is laying beside me asleep and the yeast is foaming in a bowl in the kitchen...life feels good again. Sophia has been such a big help. She is thoroughly in love with our new addition. Although she still wants lots of attention, she is more than willing to give some to her new baby. She has helped with diaper changing and bathtime. I even pumped some milk into a bottle so she could see what it was like to feed her. The look on her face was like she had an electrical charge running through her whole body. Pretty sure I could have marched a pink, sparkly pony into the livingroom at that moment and she wouldn't have noticed. I knew she'd be great. I went along with everyone's worries for her and nodded as they talked about jealousy and poor Sophia, but she is a different kind of person. She is old in her ways sometimes. Its odd and sometimes I wonder what I'm supposed to be doing as her parent. I know that I don't do enough to challenge her or support her. She is just so smart and grounded that its hard to know what I need to do. I fear that Emmaline may be the same way. I'm already getting some serious looks like I did with Sophia. Children are odd. They have everything they need to learn about the world all wrapped up in one little package just waiting for parents to open them up. Its my job to show her the world in a way that will help her become an even better adult than she is as a child. But, what do you do with someone who is probably already smarter and more grounded than you are. What kid says "I'm only misbehaving because I'm bored"??? She knows why she misbehaves...Ask me again why I'm scared to be her mother. My answer, because I'm afraid that I'm not good enough for her. But damned if I won't die trying to show her how amazing she is and what she's capable of.

Another tidbit of good news...I'm typing this on my "new to me" laptop, which I bought from a friend. As much as I love my mornings in the office with the sun coming through the blinds, typing out in my garden, on the front porch, at the park, or from the sofa...as I am right now, is far more motivating.

So my goals for this winter...

-More time with Sophia doing crazy projects like our current one "milk carton bird feeders" (pics coming soon)

-Rejoin MaryJane's Farmgirls and earn some crafty lady badges

-Host once a month craft parties and introduce some other fine ladies to MaryJane's Farmgirls

-Plan a more simplified garden for 2012

-Work on our debt situation. I have joined a small discussion group with friends and we're all working on our problems together. Success in numbers, right?

-Make almost all of our Christmas gifts

-Make a secret plan to become a SAHM, hide it from hubby, and work on debt situation to make that happen.

-Be a better blog host. I like you, blog. I'm sorry I ignored you for so long. I'm aiming for once a week or every other week.

Peace. Love. And poopy diapers. I'm out!

A list of hopefuls

Sooooo, day one was almost a complete fail. I tried really hard to stay on the "schedule" that I made up, but it seems that once you get off track, its very hard to get back on. The hour that I gave myself to strip down the living room and clean, ungraciously fed on my planned crafting hour that followed. Sophia's 15 planned minutes of schoolwork was an unholy disaster that led to tears and frustration in a matter of seconds. Apparently if its not coming out of Elmo's mouth, she doesn't want to learn it. Dinner happened at 8 instead of 7. Bed didn't happen until 11:30 on a plan of 9:30. All in all, I was productive and I'm trying not to lose faith in lists and schedules, but yesterday didn't help that.

Just so I feel like I did something:
Living room
-Took everything out of every drawer and off of every shelf, cleaned and reorganized and DOWNSIZED most importantly
-Cleaned the windows and door
-Rotated Sophia's toys and downsized
-Took couch apart, washed cushion covers, took cushions outside and lightly sprayed with bleach/water. Yeah I said bleach, its called nesting, get over it.
-Vacuumed under cushions and floor
-Washed curtains
-Got Hubby to pack up his manhood--ie Super NES, wrestling DVDs, and numerous PS2 games that haven't been touched since we moved in. I know this to be fact because I carbon-dated the dust crust on them. :-P And, don't flip out, I want him to get a mancave going so he can keep all of his junk in a place that does not affect the space I need to stay organized. I would never force the boy to part with his toys. Jeez. I'm not a monster.

Others
-Laundry completely done...for about 5 minutes
-Dishes completely done...for about 2 minutes
-3 batches of frozen pesto
-1 frozen dinner
-1 dinner for us PLUS the chicken I need for 3 other dinners
-pulled up carrots, basil, and a few tomatoes from the garden
-conditioned chickens that if they step into my garden they WILL get sprayed with the hose
-Made dark chocolate hazelnut ice cream

Today, I adjusted the list and times for things. Hopefully this will help me stay on schedule. Now, lets get this party started.

"51" days until BABY!!

Day ONE and countdown to meeting belly buddy face to tiny face.

I've been begging for this day to come since the heatwave rushed over the Ohio Valley. I had high hopes of major house cleaning and prepping for my wee one and most important, spending some undivided attention on Sophia. In a normal setting, i.e. sans baby belly, I would go at the cleaning like a mad person, tackling every room on the first day. This time, I HAVE to pace myself. I have made a list for each room of things that I want to get done. Each room is broken down into two days. Hopefully this will allow me to clean for a bit, cook for a bit, rest for a lot of bits, and play with Sophia. I'm also trying to make a little daily schedule to make sure that my allotments of time are not overwhelmingly full of cleaning. I am a very "go go go" person. I want everything done yesterday. This is not going to be easy.

52 days until her due date...

Cherry Stained Brain

After a few months hiatus, shocking and so unlike me, I know, I'm ready to return to blogdom. I have spent a good portion of my pregnancy not looking forward to much in life because working while pregnant has been unintentionally sucking the life out of me. I say unintentionally because everyone at work has been so good to me and helped me out as much as possible, which has left me feeling guilty and unworthy of their kindness...another lovely positive direction for my mood to go. Not. The heat has taken its toll on my body, mind, and most importantly, soul. I haven't maintained my garden. The chickens get food and water tossed at them and barely a "hello" is spoken. I can tell they are sad because every time I get home from work, there is a feathery frenzy at the fence, beckoning me to come play. Gertrude hops the chain barrier and runs after me, bawking the whole way. Its hot. Too hot. I just can't get out there alone. I have felt so unmotivated and unproductive. I look at the garden and its over-growness with a broken heart and sympathetic eyes. It needs me. The chickens need me. My job needs me. My family needs me. I haven't been there. I took on the FAILboat and haven't returned...until today. My light at the end of the tunnel is now right in front of me. My heart is a little bit lighter. I feel something along the lines of excitement and hope. All because of 3 lbs of cherries...

I feel like I need to talk about my whiny pregnant self for a moment though. I need to get it out. Let it go. And, hopefully move on. I feel like the worry/anxiety is leaving me. In a nutshell, an on going construction project has left my brain spinning. For a year now, we have been working on Sophia's bedroom. Stripped down to bare studs, raised the ceiling, new insulation, and new drywall, we are finally at a point of "almost there." Up to this point, I have not done anything to prepare for my new belly buddy. She has no place to sleep, almost no clothes for her butt, and speaking of butts, I decided to try cloth diapers to which I have only a few samples of those and I'm not totally sure what to do with them. Trial and error. Sophia has been in our room since she was born, but all of her toys and clothes, at least, were in her "room." Now, everything is in our bedroom. There is no room and its driving me crazy. We are at the mercy of my dad to help us with this room. He is incredibly talented at remodeling and making my visions become reality. Unfortunately, he also has a life and must work, so I can only get bits and pieces of his time. I am grateful for every second, but it has taken so long that I wasn't sure if it was every going to get done. Now, there is paint on the walls and the trim is almost ready to go up. There is a light and switches and a fan. I'm beginning to see the end. When Sophia's stuff is moved into her new room, there will be space for new munchkin's things, like a crib and tiny socks. Her tiny socks.."her" still being nameless. Thanks for the reminder of my inability to find a suitable name! You guys are jerks. J/K But even though it seems to be a small thing and no big deal, I'm frazzled by the fact that I haven't had that EUREKA moment of her perfect name. I did with Sophia. In fact, I already had a girl name picked out and the second I found out she was actually a SHE, the name was no longer good enough and when I came across "Sophia," even with every one's comments about Sophia being a little old lady's name, it was perfect and sooo her, albeit I hadn't really met her yet. It fits her so perfectly that I can't picture her with any other name. I've decided to take a break from even trying to name this one. I feel like I've been through them all. My family thinks that I have a name and I'm being secretive, which would be awesome to do if I could actually keep a secret. Sorry, no name yet.

Now, back to the cherries...
Hubby's birthday was Tuesday. He wanted a chocolate cherry pie from the Pie Kitchen. Its pretty much the only thing he asked for. I could have just bought it. I know he already likes it. But I have a competitive mind in the kitchen. It may be the only place that I'm competitive. I have it in my head that if something is mass produced or even produced commercially on a local scale, I can do it better. So arrogant, I know. But what is better than HOMEMADE and HEART. Those two things, I feel, give me an advantage over businesses, big and small. So back to the cherries. I've never made cherry pie before so I thought I would just make a basic one to start. I bought the cherries. Sweet, fatty, and the most gorgeous deep red I've ever seen. I'm not sure why women don't just wake up, cut a cherry in half to use as lipstick, and walk out the door. Its by far, sexier than any tube of lipstick I've ever seen and it doesn't come off!! I'm typing this with cherry-stained fingertips, so this is fact. I felt at peace pitting the cherries. I haven't made bread in awhile and I forgot how nice it is to do a mindless lengthy task while looking out the kitchen window at chickens and grass. So the cherries are pitted, the dough is chilling, and there is cherry pie in Hubby's future. Stay tuned for pending virtual "cherry-pie-cooling-in-the-window" smell.

(picture taken with my "new mommy" / birthday present from Hubby...healing me with retail therapy one purchase at a time) :-)