Making bread, making babies: both worth the time and effort

Well well well...look what the cat dragged in. Me. And about 25 lbs lighter with a side of sweet little babieness named Emmaline hope. Heaven, in a wrinkly, toothless package. Its taken me awhile to get back into the groove of things, but I think I'm back, more motivated than before, and ready to start some new adventures. For starters, I'm making bread today. For the first time in about 5 months probably. I can't even remember honestly. My garden disaster was a big downer for me, as well as being pregnant and not really enjoying any moment of that. But, now that my new munchkin is laying beside me asleep and the yeast is foaming in a bowl in the kitchen...life feels good again. Sophia has been such a big help. She is thoroughly in love with our new addition. Although she still wants lots of attention, she is more than willing to give some to her new baby. She has helped with diaper changing and bathtime. I even pumped some milk into a bottle so she could see what it was like to feed her. The look on her face was like she had an electrical charge running through her whole body. Pretty sure I could have marched a pink, sparkly pony into the livingroom at that moment and she wouldn't have noticed. I knew she'd be great. I went along with everyone's worries for her and nodded as they talked about jealousy and poor Sophia, but she is a different kind of person. She is old in her ways sometimes. Its odd and sometimes I wonder what I'm supposed to be doing as her parent. I know that I don't do enough to challenge her or support her. She is just so smart and grounded that its hard to know what I need to do. I fear that Emmaline may be the same way. I'm already getting some serious looks like I did with Sophia. Children are odd. They have everything they need to learn about the world all wrapped up in one little package just waiting for parents to open them up. Its my job to show her the world in a way that will help her become an even better adult than she is as a child. But, what do you do with someone who is probably already smarter and more grounded than you are. What kid says "I'm only misbehaving because I'm bored"??? She knows why she misbehaves...Ask me again why I'm scared to be her mother. My answer, because I'm afraid that I'm not good enough for her. But damned if I won't die trying to show her how amazing she is and what she's capable of.

Another tidbit of good news...I'm typing this on my "new to me" laptop, which I bought from a friend. As much as I love my mornings in the office with the sun coming through the blinds, typing out in my garden, on the front porch, at the park, or from the sofa...as I am right now, is far more motivating.

So my goals for this winter...

-More time with Sophia doing crazy projects like our current one "milk carton bird feeders" (pics coming soon)

-Rejoin MaryJane's Farmgirls and earn some crafty lady badges

-Host once a month craft parties and introduce some other fine ladies to MaryJane's Farmgirls

-Plan a more simplified garden for 2012

-Work on our debt situation. I have joined a small discussion group with friends and we're all working on our problems together. Success in numbers, right?

-Make almost all of our Christmas gifts

-Make a secret plan to become a SAHM, hide it from hubby, and work on debt situation to make that happen.

-Be a better blog host. I like you, blog. I'm sorry I ignored you for so long. I'm aiming for once a week or every other week.

Peace. Love. And poopy diapers. I'm out!

A list of hopefuls

Sooooo, day one was almost a complete fail. I tried really hard to stay on the "schedule" that I made up, but it seems that once you get off track, its very hard to get back on. The hour that I gave myself to strip down the living room and clean, ungraciously fed on my planned crafting hour that followed. Sophia's 15 planned minutes of schoolwork was an unholy disaster that led to tears and frustration in a matter of seconds. Apparently if its not coming out of Elmo's mouth, she doesn't want to learn it. Dinner happened at 8 instead of 7. Bed didn't happen until 11:30 on a plan of 9:30. All in all, I was productive and I'm trying not to lose faith in lists and schedules, but yesterday didn't help that.

Just so I feel like I did something:
Living room
-Took everything out of every drawer and off of every shelf, cleaned and reorganized and DOWNSIZED most importantly
-Cleaned the windows and door
-Rotated Sophia's toys and downsized
-Took couch apart, washed cushion covers, took cushions outside and lightly sprayed with bleach/water. Yeah I said bleach, its called nesting, get over it.
-Vacuumed under cushions and floor
-Washed curtains
-Got Hubby to pack up his manhood--ie Super NES, wrestling DVDs, and numerous PS2 games that haven't been touched since we moved in. I know this to be fact because I carbon-dated the dust crust on them. :-P And, don't flip out, I want him to get a mancave going so he can keep all of his junk in a place that does not affect the space I need to stay organized. I would never force the boy to part with his toys. Jeez. I'm not a monster.

Others
-Laundry completely done...for about 5 minutes
-Dishes completely done...for about 2 minutes
-3 batches of frozen pesto
-1 frozen dinner
-1 dinner for us PLUS the chicken I need for 3 other dinners
-pulled up carrots, basil, and a few tomatoes from the garden
-conditioned chickens that if they step into my garden they WILL get sprayed with the hose
-Made dark chocolate hazelnut ice cream

Today, I adjusted the list and times for things. Hopefully this will help me stay on schedule. Now, lets get this party started.

"51" days until BABY!!

Day ONE and countdown to meeting belly buddy face to tiny face.

I've been begging for this day to come since the heatwave rushed over the Ohio Valley. I had high hopes of major house cleaning and prepping for my wee one and most important, spending some undivided attention on Sophia. In a normal setting, i.e. sans baby belly, I would go at the cleaning like a mad person, tackling every room on the first day. This time, I HAVE to pace myself. I have made a list for each room of things that I want to get done. Each room is broken down into two days. Hopefully this will allow me to clean for a bit, cook for a bit, rest for a lot of bits, and play with Sophia. I'm also trying to make a little daily schedule to make sure that my allotments of time are not overwhelmingly full of cleaning. I am a very "go go go" person. I want everything done yesterday. This is not going to be easy.

52 days until her due date...

Cherry Stained Brain

After a few months hiatus, shocking and so unlike me, I know, I'm ready to return to blogdom. I have spent a good portion of my pregnancy not looking forward to much in life because working while pregnant has been unintentionally sucking the life out of me. I say unintentionally because everyone at work has been so good to me and helped me out as much as possible, which has left me feeling guilty and unworthy of their kindness...another lovely positive direction for my mood to go. Not. The heat has taken its toll on my body, mind, and most importantly, soul. I haven't maintained my garden. The chickens get food and water tossed at them and barely a "hello" is spoken. I can tell they are sad because every time I get home from work, there is a feathery frenzy at the fence, beckoning me to come play. Gertrude hops the chain barrier and runs after me, bawking the whole way. Its hot. Too hot. I just can't get out there alone. I have felt so unmotivated and unproductive. I look at the garden and its over-growness with a broken heart and sympathetic eyes. It needs me. The chickens need me. My job needs me. My family needs me. I haven't been there. I took on the FAILboat and haven't returned...until today. My light at the end of the tunnel is now right in front of me. My heart is a little bit lighter. I feel something along the lines of excitement and hope. All because of 3 lbs of cherries...

I feel like I need to talk about my whiny pregnant self for a moment though. I need to get it out. Let it go. And, hopefully move on. I feel like the worry/anxiety is leaving me. In a nutshell, an on going construction project has left my brain spinning. For a year now, we have been working on Sophia's bedroom. Stripped down to bare studs, raised the ceiling, new insulation, and new drywall, we are finally at a point of "almost there." Up to this point, I have not done anything to prepare for my new belly buddy. She has no place to sleep, almost no clothes for her butt, and speaking of butts, I decided to try cloth diapers to which I have only a few samples of those and I'm not totally sure what to do with them. Trial and error. Sophia has been in our room since she was born, but all of her toys and clothes, at least, were in her "room." Now, everything is in our bedroom. There is no room and its driving me crazy. We are at the mercy of my dad to help us with this room. He is incredibly talented at remodeling and making my visions become reality. Unfortunately, he also has a life and must work, so I can only get bits and pieces of his time. I am grateful for every second, but it has taken so long that I wasn't sure if it was every going to get done. Now, there is paint on the walls and the trim is almost ready to go up. There is a light and switches and a fan. I'm beginning to see the end. When Sophia's stuff is moved into her new room, there will be space for new munchkin's things, like a crib and tiny socks. Her tiny socks.."her" still being nameless. Thanks for the reminder of my inability to find a suitable name! You guys are jerks. J/K But even though it seems to be a small thing and no big deal, I'm frazzled by the fact that I haven't had that EUREKA moment of her perfect name. I did with Sophia. In fact, I already had a girl name picked out and the second I found out she was actually a SHE, the name was no longer good enough and when I came across "Sophia," even with every one's comments about Sophia being a little old lady's name, it was perfect and sooo her, albeit I hadn't really met her yet. It fits her so perfectly that I can't picture her with any other name. I've decided to take a break from even trying to name this one. I feel like I've been through them all. My family thinks that I have a name and I'm being secretive, which would be awesome to do if I could actually keep a secret. Sorry, no name yet.

Now, back to the cherries...
Hubby's birthday was Tuesday. He wanted a chocolate cherry pie from the Pie Kitchen. Its pretty much the only thing he asked for. I could have just bought it. I know he already likes it. But I have a competitive mind in the kitchen. It may be the only place that I'm competitive. I have it in my head that if something is mass produced or even produced commercially on a local scale, I can do it better. So arrogant, I know. But what is better than HOMEMADE and HEART. Those two things, I feel, give me an advantage over businesses, big and small. So back to the cherries. I've never made cherry pie before so I thought I would just make a basic one to start. I bought the cherries. Sweet, fatty, and the most gorgeous deep red I've ever seen. I'm not sure why women don't just wake up, cut a cherry in half to use as lipstick, and walk out the door. Its by far, sexier than any tube of lipstick I've ever seen and it doesn't come off!! I'm typing this with cherry-stained fingertips, so this is fact. I felt at peace pitting the cherries. I haven't made bread in awhile and I forgot how nice it is to do a mindless lengthy task while looking out the kitchen window at chickens and grass. So the cherries are pitted, the dough is chilling, and there is cherry pie in Hubby's future. Stay tuned for pending virtual "cherry-pie-cooling-in-the-window" smell.

(picture taken with my "new mommy" / birthday present from Hubby...healing me with retail therapy one purchase at a time) :-)

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100% heart, 30% heartache, 50% effort to get plants growing, 80% weeding

That's my mathematical breakdown of gardening. No, I'm not a stereotypical redneck that counts by taking off my shoes. I know that my percentages are more than a 100. But gardening is far more than numbers. My heart is in it 100% of the time. Heartache is a factor of life and most definitely a big part of gardening. (i.e. failed tomato plants and no pumpkins in 2010) 50% of my time is spent getting plants to grow, either by preparing the soil, planting, watering, and harvesting.

However, had I known that 80% of my time was going to be spent on weeding, I may have considered another route, such as covering my entire lot with concrete and building only raised beds. Around my raised beds, I even dug up the grass/weeds, laid down that lovely black anti-weed fabric, then covered in several inches of rocks to hopefully subdue the weeds and grass from getting through and thwarting my progress in the garden. Kudos to that guy who invented that black fabric. I would hate to think that my weeds were bored out there, but fortunately they have the black fabric, a dense yet not impossible obstacle to entertain them on their passage to sunlight and happiness amongst my veggies. I do find a slightly deranged humor in that the weeds could potentially find humor in my weed cloth.

I start at one edge of my garden and work my way around each raised bed. I like to do this right after it rains because its much easier to get the weeds out by their roots in damp soil. I swear that by the time I get around the last bed, the first bed where I started already has teenager weeds growing again. If only my veggies had the gusto of weeds. If only.

Anyhoo, another odd, chilly, cloudy day in the 'ville. Happy weeding!

You're already home if you're loved

Its Sunday. I am loved. I am making bread. I am making strawberry jam. I will be outside soon with my little Sophia, planting beans and transplanting tomato midgets. You could take me to the cliche paradise and it is nothing compared to my home, my hobbies, and the comfort in the love that Hubby shows me. I have met some new people recently and in their short time of existence in my life, have already created a new excitement for me. I love learning new things. I love sharing what I know. I feel like a broken record sometimes because happiness was so easy to accept for me. Maybe its sad that a simple cup of coffee and watching chickens run around your yard creates such a euphoric feeling to me. But, alas, I am simple. And life is what you make it. I was lucky in love. I had two great relationships. One lasted for 7 years and we are still good friends to this day. The other, well, I married him. Two very respectful, intelligent, loving men and I was lucky enough to have them in my life. There is never a 100% guarantee in love or life, but I am really trying to make the best of it all. I haven't always revered my relationships as they deserved to be, but now,everyday, I wake up its my first thought and always in my future goals. Show love and respect. Be polite. Be thoughtful. Be honest.

I feel the same way about the garden. I'm not an expert gardener, but I love it and try really hard to make it work. Tomato seedlings seem to be my biggest struggle. I have high hopes every year of not buying a single starter plant. I want to grow them all from seeds. It almost never happens. I have two of my own starts that I think will make it. Who knows. I still have bed prepping to do. Hopefully the freshly rained on ground will be soft enough for this preggos chick to till up with minimal effort. Hoeing seems to be a struggle for me. It wears me down more than anything. Enough whining.

Yesterday I got to go to the Kentucky Sheep and Fiber Festival. SO MUCH FUN! Packed up the car with fruit and tuna sandwiches, Sophia, and my momma. It was a little over an hour away in Lexington, KY. We saw an overwhelming amount of handspun/dyed yarn. I got TWO books autographed. (I'm far more star-struck over true talent and hard work than I am for the overpaid monkeys of Hollywood and professional sports) "Spud and Chloe Go to the Farm" by Susan B. Anderson and "Welcoming Home Baby the Handcrafted Way" by Tricia Drake are two books that were on my wish list, but now I have them AND I met the lovely ladies who wrote them. We pet sheep, goats, alpacas, and llamas. After browsing at the festival, we went to a store called Mother Nurture where I got a cloth diapering lesson. They had some super cute diaper covers and the lady was so helpful. I had so many reservations about "natural parenting" and things that I wanted to do with Sophia such as cloth diapering that I actually just refrained from doing them. With this new munchkin, I'm not holding back because I didn't know that I was even going to get this opportunity. Now if I could just think of a name for this little one...