There is so much more in less.

Almost a year has lapsed since my last post. I needed the break. I have been uninspired, re-inspired, and back again. As you may remember, I moved into a new house, going on two years ago now. The time has flown by and so has the space between who I was and who I am now. Before, a gardener, a simple person with grand ideas, a mother raising her daughter to love nature and appreciate everything. Now, stressed, thinned, impatient, with sight on my goals that seem light years away. I had peace. Peace in a place that was smaller, dream-building, encouraging, and I was free. Where neighbors "had your back" instead of worrying what you were going to do to your front yard to hurt their property value. Where I got goosebumps when I looked out into my beautiful, bountiful garden that was overrun by chickens.

Why am I here again? I'm a big advocate for "bloom where you're planted" but I am struggling with where I am. My visions are skewed by worry at this house. My guts still aches for green pastures and huge gardens full of health and vitality for all who could enjoy the fruits of my labor; for self sufficiency, free of rules, regulations, politics, drama, and neighbors. Our world is suffering because of consumerism. We have ruined our country with our desire for cheap and convenient. Guilty of all of these things, myself, I am changing and have been changing for a long time. Baby steps. I just didn't know. I didn't have a clue how or why how I was living was wrong. Gardens aren't just for fun. They're for food. We have giving up our responsibilities to provide for ourselves. Literally pissing away our health because, not only have we giving up growing our own food, we have given up caring about whats in the food that is provided for us. Commercially, we're fed worse than barn animals. We willingly ingest vast amounts chemicals every single day. Food that other countries have banned from their existence. Food that, broken down into its actual ingredients, would probably make you sick just to look at. The reality is that it is making us sick. We are just ignoring it. Budget and time wise I have fallen under the processed food spell. If it looks good, smells good, tastes good, it must be good, right?!

I want more. And, by more, I mean less. I want less trips to the grocery store and more trips out to a raised garden bed to pick basil and tomatoes for tonight's dinner. I want to gather my eggs for baking and breakfast. The biggest struggle, though, is what to do about my whereabouts. Living "here" is not me, but am I creative and strong enough to make "this" into me? We'll see. There are some major life changes ahead and I just don't know how long I can tolerate my surroundings.

It Takes a Village...

...nope. It just takes a day like today to renew my inner-gardener. Of course, there was rain. But, for once, when I walked outside, I didn't feel the dreary cold in my bones. I don't do so well in weather below 40* unless I'm in front of a fire with hot chocolate with a blanket with a sweater and with a hubby (in a sweater) keeping me warm. Sometimes I think I'm a reptile. Could be. Suits my personality. Anyhoo. Grander business to attend.

Its Spring.
Spring has sprung.
April showers....yada yada yada

K. I'm done. I have no raised beds. Yet. I finally made out my garden plans. Hubby will be buying the wood tomorrow. Hopefully, by the time I come home from work, he will have rectified my "no beds" issue with at least one or two built by then. I love gardening for food, but more so, I just love the look of tidy beds overflowing with green and speckles of color from the hanging fruits of my labor. Sophia is hellbent on growing carrots so that she can hand-feed a wild rabbit. With the wildlife that is in my backyard, this is an attainable goal that I hope she does not attain. And the squirrels. Flippin' everywhere. (insert: at this very moment there is a large brown bunny hopping through some clusters of daffodils and my dog, a hound dog no less, is sitting there like a knot on a pickle)

My garden will not elaborate. Consisting of just a few 4x8 beds in a sunny location with a few garden staples my plan is nothing but necessities, which is all that I can handle on my plate this year. Just like my first house, I will start small and grow exponentially year after year. This year 3. Next year 42. Just kidding. Maybe. But, don't forget that I mentioned chickens again.

The future garden location

Oh me, oh my, oh rainy day!

Rainy days. Fav by far. Part A of me loves rainy days because I like the confines of my home. Forced to face projects and tasks with coffee in hand. Part B of me loves the rain because its a small way to put my life into perspective. The best I can do is plan for the worst and hope for the best. We are all vulnerable and at the mercy of whatever the Earth chooses to toss at us. Rain. Sometimes a delicate reminder that we aren't really in control of anything. (and if you're like me, not even your hair is under your control when it rains) Sometimes it makes us blatantly aware of our lack of preparedness. One of my goals for 2013 and always ongoing is to be more mentally and physically ready to handle a disaster. Planning gives me a sense of control. As slight as it may be, I can, task by task, create a "what if" scenario and a hopeful plan of survival. There is so much more to preparedness than just growing your own food and starting a fire.  The Part B of my personality also wants to run like a pack of wild dogs through Bass Pro Shop and Walmart, grabbing every jug of water and piece of survival gear that my 140lb frame could carry at one time and letting out a battle cry as I exit the premises. Part A tells my Part B to shut the hell up. I've been following a few homesteaders' blogs for years now. The Homestead Revival has a great ongoing preparedness challenge that allows you to gather supplies and gain self sufficiency weekly and in easy steps. With the way things are going these days, you can never be too prepared. And, if bad things aren't around the corner...just go camping with your new knowledge for fun.  Now quit picturing me with war-paint all over my face running through a store with security chasing close behind.

2013

I don't generally do New Year's resolutions because I am constantly changing and achieving goals on a daily basis. A year is too much of a commitment for me. 2012 was almost considered a disaster of a year for me. As the year went on, big life changes and events were taking place. Things were going wrong with our new house. BIG things. Expensive things. Things that would normally happen over an extended period of time. TWO car wrecks, both times everyone was just fine. (remember this later) I felt like I was having to make too many life-altering decisions. I let "me" fall to the wayside. I could see "me" from a distance but couldn't get close to that person I once was. The strong. The quiet. The tolerant Addy. My inner peace was waiving from afar to come join the rest of "me". I focused a lot on the negative. I focused on how weak I felt, like I wasn't qualified to be making these decisions. I was angry and my patience was nonexistent, even with my girls. I felt like my husband was watching me coil back into this child-like creature, afraid and weepy, and he was trying so hard to take on the burden of  everything. I looked at my mess of a house, unorganized, broken, and nothing I did made it feel like home. I tried projects and craft whatnots. I tried grasping peaceful moments. I felt hideously alone and scared at night without my husband being here. Outside of my little 4-pack family, everyone else seemed to be falling apart as well, intensifying my feeling of helplessness for them, when I was always the bright-side, the reasonable, the helper. I could have moments of clarity. Moments of strength. But they were quickly overshadowed. How do I fix this? How do I tell people that I must be losing my mind? Will I wake up one day and be back to me? And, most importantly, how the FLIPPING #@&(*)!@^!@%^*#$*(@)#*!(@!)@* did this happen?! 

I don't know the answers to any of those questions. All I know is that something changed in me for some reason and it has to be for the greater good. That's how God works. If you take a step back at everything that I said. Just about every tangible thing, object, belonging, was destroyed or broke. Things. Objects. Belongings. At this point in 2013, most of those things that were broken are fixed. We got a new car. Our house issues are being taken care of little by little. My heartbreak over my phone and fried computer were because of the lost pictures, ie memories, on them, but we found out that those can be recovered from the computer. My family, my little 4 pack, my quad, my amigos.They are all here. They are all healthy. And when I look back at my darkest and worst days last year, I notice that I had more than just my little family unit. I had good and dear friends who surprised me with candy bars stuck to my door handle, bringing me coffee, just being there. I have been surrounded by the love of my friends. Friends that I've never had before these past few years. So, my weakness, for the moment of 2012, was okay. I made it through. And, after all was said and done, I made it through because I had so much love around me. Footprints in the Sand is one of my favorites. It has been since I was a child. It has followed me through life. I almost forgot about it this past year. Love and concern walked beside me this whole year. From that, I am taking strength. I am looking to the sun, the clouds, the Heavens. I am hopeful for 2013. I'm going to be grounded, thankful, and most importantly, spend a good portion of my time paying it forward to those kind souls who did more than they know for me. I am going to focus on making this house a home, with less stuff and more love and patience. I am going to reclaim my FARMGIRL spirit and get my hands dirty in my yard. New garden plans. New chicken plans. 

 Hi, me, welcome home. 

Your handmade life continues

The marshmallow. Fluffy and white. Indulgent and simple. People take for granted that jet-puffed perfectly cylindrical store-bought version is the only option. If you've never had a homemade marshmallow then you're certainly missing out. If you've got a little bit of time, an empty kitchen, and a stand-mixer then you can easily "whip" up a batch of fresh hot chocolate accessories. (pun INTENDED!!)  :-)  

I've used this fail/fool-proof recipe for years. Love me some Alton Brown just FYI.
Homemade Marshmallows

The cool thing about this recipe is if you spread them out on a sheet pan to set up, you can use cookie cutters to make fun shapes. I prefer snowflakes in my hot chocolate. I've even added a little peppermint oil and red food coloring in the last few seconds of mixing to make a swirly pink and white peppermint marshmallow. Put them on a sucker stick and dip them in chocolate and sprinkles. Cut them into squares and roll them in colored sprinkles. Heat them in a pan with a little butter and make the best rice crispy treats in the tri-state area!! Want me to keep going? One last word...S'mores. 

This post is dedicated to a new and dear friend in my life. 

Romancing the leaf

Go ahead. You know want to. Blush. Turn a little shade of red for me. Maybe some orange, golden yellow, deep purple. You look so good when you do.

I'm at my best when there is a chill in the air. Seductive. Darker. Almost demented from the anticipation. I spend most of the year in a lovely blue/gray/green airy wonderment. The softness of those colors bring a lightheartedness to my emotions. The pale sea green in my kitchen billows around me and makes me happy when I walk in. But there is a  point in the year where my eyes turn towards the cynical, darker, cloudier days with glee. I welcome Fall with a sly grin and an open door like a secret new lover. For weeks I have been feeling the change. The slightly cooler nights. The extra dewy mornings. I miss my little pumpkin patch from my old house. I will always have a childish fantasy of living in Hagrid's hut from the Harry Potter series. There is an amazing scene where all you see is giant dusty orange pumpkins and fog. I close my eyes and imagine looking out my kitchen window at my garden full of Jarrahdales, Cushaws, Hooligans, Luminas, the edges lined with Babyboos and Jack-Be-Littles and in the middle of it all, one GIANT pumpkin, tipping the scales at a little over 500 lbs. Its not record-breaking, but its big enough for me to hide behind with a knitted shawl from my Momma and a good book. Fall is where I get my groove back. Refresh my soul. End my year long quest for zest, zeal, sparkle. Enjoy the harvest and be thankful for life. Its all in the Fall for me. And he is here, now. Welcome Fall. Come on in and stay awhile. I need your sparkle.

Oh how I miss thee

Blogger, oh blogger, how do I love thee....let me count the ways. Venting and planning. Troubleshooting and victories. Sharing and caring. Its getting to be my favorite time of year. I love pumpkins and Fall colors. I love hot cider and yarn. Oh the yarn. I could roll around in yarn like a cat when its cold outside. Nothing feels better in my hands than a nice worsted weight wool or alpaca blend. I've been so busy with this new house that I have barely knitted all Summer. I'm ready for a short break from remodeling to get back to my favorite Fall activities. Knitting and GARDEN PLANNING!!!  Planning my garden through the Fall and Winter months is almost as exciting as my first shovel of fresh dirt in the Spring. This next year is going to be a whopper of a chore though. I am starting from scratch. We have started clearing out the yard of the half acre of DITCH LILIES!! This yard is ridiculously overgrown with lilies and other wild plants. I'm hoping that by December I will have a blank canvas and a few raised beds started. Who knows, with the way the weather has been, I may just go ahead and start my Spring planting!  I don't think Winter showed up but maybe for a week or two last year. I tell you what though, the SECOND a seed catalog shows up in my mailbox, there will be seeds. Beautiful packets of seeds. Hidden about the house in random places. Stashed like a shoe addict hides a recent binge purchases from Broadway Shoes. I was so terrible last year, that as I was packing to move I found a few extras that were somehow forgotten. I'll be smarter this year...

                                                                                                            I is gonna make meself a map.